


Never before, never again

by Joana789



Series: Dying is always simple [2]
Category: The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Character Death, I made myself sad again, Implied Relationships, It's as depressing as the previous one, Jason is swearing again, M/M, Post-Gaea, Post-War, Sad, i hope you'll like it, it was really fun to write though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 18:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2160126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joana789/pseuds/Joana789
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason finds him in the middle of nowhere - Nico di Angelo, on the ground, barely breathing and, even though they've just won a war, seeing him like that turns out to be almost too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never before, never again

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically the same thing but this time from Jason's POV. Some of you asked for it so here it is, I hope you'll like it as much as you seemed to like the previous one. It was fun to write, even though it made me sad again.  
> [angstandcats.tumblr.com]

It’s so silent.

Jason has been walking around for so long it feels like hours – he doesn’t even really know how he got there. He doesn’t quite know where he is, either. It’s a deserted ground and the area is huge – there are some lonely trees here, but only a few. The sky is cloudy and dark. It’s pretty windy, too, but Jason just walks forward. Bad weather never really bothered him, anyway.

He’ll find him.

He feels a little better now, when he’s actually doing something instead of just sitting and clenching his fists. Well, to be honest, _anything_ would be better than looking at his nervous friends, all silent and waiting, tired after the battle, but mostly just anxious.

Jason remembers his own shaking hands. He recalls Leo, tapping a weird rhythm on his knee with his fingers. Annabeth, biting her lip from time to time as she tried to calm Percy down – the boy constantly muttering something and running his hands through his hair. The son on Poseidon seemed so restless that Jason had to stop himself from saying “Why do you suddenly care so much about him?”.

But he knew it wouldn’t really change anything.

Nico di Angelo was still missing.

He remembers looking at Hazel – that was the worst part. She was sitting with Frank, her hair loose and shoulders shaking. There was something in her face he’d never seen before and, when their eyes met for a second, he realized, why.

She looked like she was about to cry.

And that was too much, so he stood up and, ignoring the sudden pain in his leg, decided to go and find Nico by himself, fed up with this pointless waiting.

The memory makes him stumble – he notices his own heavy breathing and quick heartbeat. He’s way more tired than he should be but it’s nothing weird, considering the battle and all his wounds. It was hard, after all – harder than anything he’s done in his life before. Jason really considers himself lucky to be alive.

 _All of us_ , he thinks.

And then he sees something.

At first, it’s just a strange shape on the ground – he has no idea what it could possibly be. Curious, he approaches the figure and when he gets close enough, a thought strikes him.

It’s a person.

His breathing quickens – he’s practically running right now, ignoring the pain in his leg where he was injured.

 _It can’t be_ , he thinks like an idiot.

But, as he realizes seconds later, it is.

“Nico?”

His voice is hoarse because of him getting so tired but it’s the last thing that matters now. Jason lets his body react instead of his mind like he’s done many times before, and a moment later he’s kneeling next to him, the relieve in his body almost painful when he sees Nico’s opened eyes.

He’s alive. He’s here. Jason found him, finally.

And then his breathing stops, air trapped in his lungs.

Because Nico doesn’t look right. He’s seen many terrible looking people today – for example Piper, quite seriously wounded - but no one has looked nearly as bad. He’s paler than Jason remembers him to be, his lips almost livid. He sees the tiredness in these dark, brown eyes of his and the dark circles under them – he also realizes that Nico recognises him, which, he won’t lie, is soothing but doesn’t make the concern disappear.

“Oh my gods, Nico, can you hear me?”

Nico needs a few seconds to respond – they are filled with anticipation and watchful gaze.

“Yeah” he finally answers in weak voice.

He can hear that Nico tries to sound as regular as possible but it doesn’t work, to be honest.  Jason frowns and then, when his own heart finally starts to calm down a little, he hears Nico’s heavy breathing. This overwhelming feeling of happiness he felt seconds ago, while realizing that he really found Nico, begins to fade away. His senses sharpen, like during a battle or a practice. Usually, he cherishes these moments – the rush of adrenaline in his blood. Now, however, he’s fully aware it doesn’t mean anything good.

There’s nothing to defend anymore, right? He just has to get Nico somewhere where is not so creepy and deserted, where other people can help him better that Jason is able to.

He notices Nico’s parted lips and barely audible sound he makes.

It’s a name. Hazel.

“Hazel is safe,” he answers this unspoken question, his voice slightly shaking for some reason but he still adds, “Everyone is safe. We won, Nico.”

These words are extremely important –to him, at least, because when he says them out loud, they suddenly make sense. _They won._ The war was over, finally and when he looks at Nico’s face he unconsciously expects a reaction – arched eyebrows or maybe even this smile he always appreciates. Nothing like that appears, though. Nico doesn’t even bat an eye and it makes him worry even more.

Jason automatically looks at the ground, planning on asking some useful questions, like “Have you tried to stand up?”.

And then, when his eyes notice the weird colour of sand Nico’s laying on – he even takes some in his hand, to make sure - the panic appeares, spreading in his body and clenching his heart.

Blood. So much blood.

“Holy shit, you’re bleeding.”

It all starts to make sense now and he wants to shout because how could he be so stupid? It’s blood, for gods’ sake, that’s why Nico is so pale, that’s why his breath is so shallow – that’s the reason. The boy’s clothes are black, as usual, so it’s a bit harder but now Jason clearly sees everything – their wetness, the wound on Nico’s chest and on his arm and thigh. The blood is also in his hair, making it sticky.

How much blood has Nico lost?

He has done that before, he has to remind himself, murmuring as he starts to press on Nico’s wound, hands shaking and jaw tense. It’s nothing new, Grace. He’ll be fine. You found him, after all. All you need to do is stop the bleeding.

He’s focused but also incredibly nervous. To see Nico’s reaction, when he presses on the wound on his leg, Jason lifts his head, only to discover that the boy’s eyes are closed.

“Nico, look at me, okay?” he asks, doing his best to sound determined – it probably worked, he notices, when Nico opens his eyes with difficulty. “Hold on. I don’t have any more nectar but you’ll be okay.”

That’s right. Everything will be just fine.

He moves on to his chest now, the wound here deeper and much more serious than he wishes it to be. Jason winces, realizing that he probably used too much force when Nico hisses, nearly choking on his weak breath. Besides, as he looks at the injury, also noticing that Nico’s ribs are broken, something in the back of his head says that he’s not able to do anything to help.

Trying to calm down, somehow, he takes of his sweater – it’s already covered in blood. Jason quickly tears it into pieces and the thought that it’s someone else’s blood on his clothes drives him crazy.

It’s Nico’s, for fuck’s sake.

He takes a piece of material and manages to tie it around Nico’s wounded thigh but this action is way more difficult than he expects. His hands are shaking so much he is barely able to tie a simple knot.

“Why…” he hears Nico saying and it makes him look up at the boy – he seems exhausted and Jason’s heart clenches again, “Why are you here?”

Jason swallows, desperately trying to remain calm.

“I was looking for you,” he simply answers, being painfully aware of how weak and muffled Nico’s voice sounds.

But he has always been strong, much stronger than expected, hasn’t he?

Nico will make it, he convinces himself, gritting his teeth and moving on to his arm now, fabric of his sweater thick and irritably hard to cope with. He has to, there’s no other way. It’s Nico di Angelo, after all, right? He’s too important to Jason to lose him now.

He’s the most important of all the people he’s ever loved.

As he looks at his chest, he's hoping that maybe, somehow, the wound stopped bleeding but it didn’t and the sight make his head spin. He also catches a glimpse of Nico’s face – his parted, pale lips, messy hair and…

…closed eyes.

“Nico? Shit, don’t close your eyes. You can’t sleep, you hear me? Nico!”

Jason can’t help but swear right now – a part of him hopes that maybe because of it Nico will understand that he can’t close his eyes, he has to stay and look at him as long as possible. That’s the only way, he wants to tell him, it the same time, though, he knows he shouldn’t do that.

But it’s so hard. It’s so hard to decide how he _should_ act now – he’s done everything he could and it didn’t help, so what’s left? He can see Nico wincing as he takes a breath and tries to open his eyes, but he’s too weak.

Gods, this can’t be happening, Nico can’t…

“Nico, please,” he says, words sounding desperate and Jason realizes he’s simply frightened. “Just a little longer, please, stay with me. Don’t sleep, fuck, you can’t sleep yet, Nico, I’m begging you.”

His voice breaks – he doesn’t’ remember the last time it happened and maybe there was never a time like this. It doesn’t matter. Not, when Nico’s breath is too shallow, not when his blood is soaking through the fabric of Jason’s sweater, not when there is so little strength in his body he can’t even open his eyes.

And, hastily, before he gets the chance to understand his own actions, his hands are brushing over Nico’s skin, over his cheeks and forehead or parted lips – Jason feels his warm, uneven breath on his fingers. For a second he thinks that if he isn’t careful enough, he might hurt him, too, but Nico is escaping him, leaving. He has to stop him now, until he’s still here, next to him, until he’s still…

And, even though this thought is so painful his heart stops for a second, it’s also real.

Until he’s still alive. Because Nico di Angelo is dying, right in front of him.

From out of nowhere comes a strange sound, then another and, before Jason can stop himself, the tears start streaming down his face. His vision blurred, he grits his teeth, trying to keep all the sounds inside his throat but that’s impossible and suddenly he’s sobbing, breathing heavy and hands – now in Nico’s hair -  shaking.

He, the great, strong Jason Grace, son of Jupiter, is mourning like he’s never been before.

Because Nico di Angelo is dying.

He sees him wincing slightly and then, seconds later, the boy opens his eyes.

“Nico,” Jason breathes faintly but there’s no relieve in his voice, “Nico, please, stay with me, just look at me, okay? I’m here, please, don’t leave me, don’t sleep.”

These are the only words in his mind now, the only words he knows. His head is spinning, whole body trembling. Nico’s eyes are barely open, eyelids heavy and breath shallow. Jason stares at him, at the most important person in the world, feeling so miserable and useless it’s nearly impossible.

But then something in Nico’s face changes.

It’s a second. There’s something new in his eyes – a spark, a glint. Jason opens his mouth, but closes it when he notices Nico moving.

And then, the boy’s touching his face.

His hand is so cold the sensation sends a shiver up Jason’s spine. He can feel Nico’s fingers shaking against his skin and he suddenly discovers he’s holding his breath.

“I’ve never…” Nico mutters, his lips barely moving but he seems almost determined to get the message through, even when he chokes on his words, “I’ve never seen you crying before.”

And then, in a moment, the cold of his skin is gone – his hand falls, as do his eyelids.

Jason feels new, painful wave of panic crushing his chest.

“Fuck, Nico! Stay, please, stay with me! I’m here, shit, I’m begging you!” he shouts despite the lump in his throat, too terrified to care about anything but Nico now.

He looks around, desperate and then, although it feels more like delusion, he sees Hazel, so he yells like insane “I need help! Fuck, quickly!”

He sobs again, trying to get himself together but it’s too late now, he realizes, all his composure long gone. Hazel is by his side within seconds, absolutely frightened and Jason, a silly guy, deceives himself that she’ll be able to help, she has to.

Because he wasn’t.

“Nico” Hazel says, her voice silent and calm but Jason doesn’t have to look at her to know that she’s crying, too. She touches Nico’s hand, as gentle as she can.

“I need ambrosia,” Jason breathes and he doesn’t give a fuck if it’s too late, there must be something he can do, “Nico, please, no.”

“I don’t…” Hazel starts and her voice breaks.

She doesn’t have ambrosia. Jason doesn’t, either.

He takes Nico’s hand in his, grip firm, entangling his fingers with his own, as if it could keep Nico from leaving him, even if it’s impossible.

And he’s shouting again, pointlessly, only to hear himself whispering seconds later, to repeat “Please, stay.”

His sobs become quieter, even if he doesn’t want them to, and, eventually, stop.

It’s Hazel who, still crying, touches his shaking shoulder – even though she doesn’t say a thing, Jason instantly knows.

“Nico” he whimpers, his voice pathetic and breaking.

After a few seconds the word fades away but still echoes in Jason’s mind.

And then he realizes it’s over.

It’s over.

It’s so silent.


End file.
